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"How fast I run depends on how loaded I am."
— Joe Halpern,
Giving a justification for asychronous message-passing systems
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Oct. 7, 2003
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Obviously, this stronger statement is stronger than the weaker one.
— Eva Tardos,
On the use of strong statements in induction proofs, especially in amortized analysis.
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Sept. 22, 2003
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My notes say this is trivial, so let's stare at it and see why it's trivial... Yeah, it's trivial.
— Dexter Kozen,
Why proving a lemma on quasi-orders, in CS 686.
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April 2, 2003
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Why is it that any time I mention anything remotely connected to the lambda calculus everyone starts smirking?
— Dexter Kozen
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2001
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Well, Gries' thesis was trivial.
— Charlie Van Loan
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Aug. 29, 1985
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I found that my algorithm had a lot of trouble dividing a 125 vertex graph into two equal-sized pieces.
— David Johnson
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Feb. 28, 1985
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What will Constable teach this year? Well we know what he will teach, we just don't know what course number he will teach it under.
— Juris Hartmanis
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Sept. 1, 1983
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Hartmanis: Should you quote me, repeat only the reasonable things I say.
Conway: I think I remember one back in '76.
— Juris Hartmanis
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Feb. 22, 1983
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So there will be lots of deans there. Someone should set off a bomb or something.
— Juris Hartmanis
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Feb. 9, 1983
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The books I should be writing are written by John Hopcroft.
— Juris Hartmanis
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June 28, 1982
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The recursion theorem is just like tennis. Unless you're exposed to it at age five, you'll never become world class.
— Juris Hartmanis
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May 1, 1982
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I'm explaining this as though it were a well-known technique, but in fact I just invented it.
— Alan Demers
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Jan. 30, 1982
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I'm running out of time, so I'm going to use very short variable names.
— Tim Teitelbaum
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Feb. 26, 1981
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A rendez-vous monitor, a.k.a. a bordello ...
— Fred Schneider
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Nov. 5, 1980
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So I shift by either 2 or 2, so of course I shift by 2, and I have matched bananas.
— Gerry Salton
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Sept. 25, 1980
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