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You have a file with illicit content, say, child pornography, and I say that you own it so they don't come and arrest me, they arrest you
— Fred Schneider,
discussing the transfer of file ownership
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Nov. 12, 2021
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I don't have a proof that this is all you need... but in practice this is all you need
— Fred Schneider,
explaining the necessary conditions for thread-safe code in CS 4410
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Sept. 17, 2019
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"Now there's a lot of fuss about this notion of universality of Turing machines..."
— Fred Schneider,
Starting a question during colloquium
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March 27, 2018
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Board Games.
Brown Bag.
Coke...that's a beverage...
— Fred Schneider,
thanking the different Czars for their service
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May 12, 2017
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Advisors who beat their students were themselves beaten as students.
— Fred Schneider,
explaining why some advisors pressure their students to publish a lot
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Nov. 22, 2016
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GrammaTech is the largest Computer Science department in Ithaca.
— Fred Schneider,
introducing a speaker from GrammaTech
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Sept. 22, 2016
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So the answer to your question is, "Forget it. You're not going to know. You're just going to get old."
— Fred Schneider,
on how you will know when you research field is exhausted.
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Oct. 9, 2015
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Systems never crash
— Fred Schneider,
PLDG
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May 1, 2015
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You know the solution already. That's nice.
— Fred Schneider,
Responding to a question during a lecture on (n, t) secret sharing.
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April 15, 2015
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People who move to Montana are looking for a slower lifestyle.
— Fred Schneider,
during colloquium, on why the map of a proposed speed-of-light Internet doesn't include Montana
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March 5, 2015
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