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 You have a file with illicit content, say, child pornography, and I say that you own it so they don't come and arrest me, they arrest you 
		   — Fred Schneider, 
		   discussing the transfer of file ownership 
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			 Nov. 12, 2021 
		  
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 I don't have a proof that this is all you need... but in practice this is all you need 
		   — Fred Schneider, 
		   explaining the necessary conditions for thread-safe code in CS 4410 
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			 Sept. 17, 2019 
		  
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 "Now there's a lot of fuss about this notion of universality of Turing machines..." 
		   — Fred Schneider, 
		   Starting a question during colloquium 
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			 March 27, 2018 
		  
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 Board Games.
Brown Bag.
Coke...that's a beverage... 
		   — Fred Schneider, 
		   thanking the different Czars for their service 
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			 May 12, 2017 
		  
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 Advisors who beat their students were themselves beaten as students. 
		   — Fred Schneider, 
		   explaining why some advisors pressure their students to publish a lot 
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			 Nov. 22, 2016 
		  
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 GrammaTech is the largest Computer Science department in Ithaca. 
		   — Fred Schneider, 
		   introducing a speaker from GrammaTech 
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			 Sept. 22, 2016 
		  
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 So the answer to your question is, "Forget it. You're not going to know. You're just going to get old." 
		   — Fred Schneider, 
		   on how you will know when you research field is exhausted. 
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			 Oct. 9, 2015 
		  
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 Systems never crash 
		   — Fred Schneider, 
		   PLDG 
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			 May 1, 2015 
		  
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 You know the solution already.  That's nice. 
		   — Fred Schneider, 
		   Responding to a question during a lecture on (n, t) secret sharing. 
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			 April 15, 2015 
		  
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 People who move to Montana are looking for a slower lifestyle. 
		   — Fred Schneider, 
		   during colloquium, on why the map of a proposed speed-of-light Internet doesn't include Montana 
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			 March 5, 2015 
		  
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