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I bring light to the dark side.
— Rachit Nigam,
Describing his research interests
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Aug. 29, 2018
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Let message m be "Naked men mud-wrestling"
— Fred Schneider,
Describing how to use hybrid encryption to send a single encrypted message such that multiple principals (with different keys) can decrypt it. The principals were cable boxes authorized to view (1) sports and (2) dirty movies.
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Feb. 17, 2004
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This department is run on the model of the Austrian empire: benevolent despotism moderated by incompetence.
— Juris Hartmanis
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May 13, 1981
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Nothing makes sense in the last five minutes.
— Bob Constable
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April 7, 1980
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"I'm bored but also overwhelmed." Welcome to grad school.
— Matthew Milano,
explaining a cat examining a shoe in the middle of a crowd of people
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Nov. 17, 2019
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It's as if the infinite-time Turing machine went to a party, spent an infinite amount of time there, blacked out, and woke up in its "limit" state with no idea of how it got there.
— Bobby Kleinberg,
CS 4820 Piazza follow-up about infinite time Turing machines
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April 25, 2019
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Most of us know Fabian for his department service and his cakes. If you don't know what I mean about cakes, you haven't been spending enough time at department picnics.
It turns out he does research as well.
— Bobby Kleinberg,
introducing Fabian Muehlboeck at colloquium
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Nov. 27, 2018
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That’s just a polynomial time algorithm for 3-CNF
— John Hopcroft,
after being asked what was in the box he drew on the chalkboard
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Nov. 16, 2018
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It's not about the points
— Dexter Kozen,
on Piazza
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Oct. 1, 2017
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I am not sure what is "curve".
— Elaine Shi,
reassuring students about the midterm
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Oct. 26, 2015
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You shouldn't even be able to get a CS degree if you use a Hotmail account.
— Anne Bracy,
annoyed at the fact that her attempts to e-mail a student at their Cornell address resulted in a bounce from a Hotmail account.
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Sept. 24, 2015
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I'm an undergrad. I like manual labor!
— Scarlet Yang,
while folding paper airplanes, for free, for hours
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April 17, 2015
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Why is OCaml used more here than on the West Coast? I guess it's our proximity to France.
— Bob Constable
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April 15, 2015
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I'm Bob Constable, I forgot how long I've been here...
— Bob Constable,
introducing himself at visit day
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March 9, 2015
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So there is our set of... blue... things. deep sighs And there are k of them.
— Michael George,
in a lecture on the binomial theorem
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April 27, 2020
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