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The Internet, as it turns out, is the world's largest dongle.
— Jed Liu,
commenting on using the internet to move a file from a flash drive to a laptop.
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June 15, 2017
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We put raw chicken on our feet and walk around.
— Ethan Cecchetti,
talking about his shopping trips with his roommates.
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Jan. 31, 2017
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Dying and graduating are NOT the same thing. You can still Skype people who died.
— Matthew Milano,
Explaining Owen
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Aug. 11, 2016
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andru: "Why don't we each label our comments with privacy labels, for example, the privacy label can be 'only the chair can see, or all can see'. Then we can enforce these security labels, etc. etc."
all other faculty: "Andru, isn't that your research?"
— Andrew Myers,
in faculty meeting discussing who should see comments on faculty candidates
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May 26, 2016
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It's not a falsifiable assumption. It's just false.
— Rafael Pass,
concerning the random oracle model
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March 16, 2016
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I'm racist against bullshit.
— Vitaly Shmatikov,
concerning a research paper about which he had purely scientific concerns
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Dec. 16, 2015
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I just want to believe in the magic of Christmas and Monads.
— Tom Magrino,
Second day of Hanukkah
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Dec. 7, 2015
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Mike: Does anyone know on what platform Oracle runs the best?
Ken: An old Sun Microsystems machine?
Mike: A 35mm slide projector.
— Mike Stonebraker,
after discussing Oracle's commitment to supporting legacy code
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Dec. 3, 2015
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Xanda: Jack, no buying things on amazon when you're drunk.
Jack: C'mon. That's when I buy half my stuff.
— Jack Hessel,
buying a skunk onesie
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Oct. 31, 2015
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Grad school. The kind of misery you can really get behind!
— Xanda Schofield,
Discussing how it's not always fun.
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Sept. 4, 2015
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We'll keep the windows closed so dogs don't jump in. Well, dogs don't usually jump in on the second floor.
— Bob Constable
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May 4, 2015
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I actually wrote code today, and I felt guilty.
— Ross Knepper
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May 1, 2015
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You don't understand, the cat woke up and killed itself every night!!!!
(laughter)
That's what it did though!!!
— Laure Thompson,
discussing Tamagotchi life, and death, in the systems lab
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April 12, 2015
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Don't put this on the quotes page, but [REDACTED]
— Nate Foster,
while discussing ... [HA! you almost got me there!]
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March 17, 2015
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It's verbose in that it has a lot of words.
— Jonathan DiLorenzo,
while talking about the English language
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March 10, 2015
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