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292
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I, Gries, have 56 years of programming experience.
You have perhaps 1. I don't think your knowledge of programming is enough for you to make a decision like this.
— David Gries,
on allegations of discussing loops in a cumbersome and unintuitive fashion.
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Feb. 22, 2017
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73
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As a side note, you probably didn't expect me to mention the Spanish Inquisition in my talk. But, then again, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
— Lorenzo Alvisi,
after telling the story of The Pit and the Pendulum
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Nov. 5, 2015
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56
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Happy slaves are productive slaves.
— Andrew Myers,
discussing graduate students
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Sept. 20, 2016
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39
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These autograders are not as auto as they look.
— Anne Bracy,
Grading 4411
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Feb. 23, 2017
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38
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I want you to take the course. I want everybody to take the course. I want your family to take the course.
...but not this semester.
— Anne Bracy,
Talking about the waitlist for CS4410
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Aug. 25, 2015
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32
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It turns out Cook later won the Turing award for this proof. Goes to show that you don't really have to do anything deep to get recognized in computer science.
— John Hopcroft,
on the proof that SAT is NP-Complete
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Nov. 6, 2017
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The purpose of the prefix "co" is to take something you don't really understand and turn it into something you really don't understand.
— Andrew Myers,
responding to a description of co-monads as "monads, but the other way around"
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Sept. 16, 2019
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Gries: Could you explain where the term modal comes from?
Constable: No.
Gries: Thank you.
— David Gries
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Nov. 3, 1977
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26
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Tom: Do you know how much privacy you want?
Eleanor: Two.
— Eleanor Birrell,
on the privacy parameter in differential privacy
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Oct. 21, 2015
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25
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Wood is very common; it literally grows on trees.
— Albert Liu,
explaining why it's important to render wood accurately in computer graphics
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Nov. 30, 2016
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23
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Maximizing is for losers. Always minimize.
— Kilian Weinberger,
on maximum likelihood estimation
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Sept. 27, 2018
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23
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I take Andrew Myers' name in vain.
— Bob Constable,
on higher powers
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May 6, 2015
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21
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The passive voice should not be used.
— Ross Knepper,
when discussing common fellowship application pitfalls
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Sept. 13, 2016
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21
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I’ve never had a real job.
— Nate Foster,
Offering to talk to a prospective student thinking about working before going to grad school.
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April 4, 2016
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I'm at the point where I'm ready to sacrifice a goat to get this stuff to work.
— Tom Magrino,
debugging LaTeX macros
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Oct. 26, 2015
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